He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
