i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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