We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
