finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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