True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize