So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
