It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
