if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
