I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize