can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
