i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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