So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
