honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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