i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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