You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
