ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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