dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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