I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
