Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
