She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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