I think im going to throw up on grandma
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
