you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
