Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
