I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
