Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
