so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
