Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
