WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
