So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
