i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
