Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
