i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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