if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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