im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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