Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
