a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
