She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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