Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
