1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She's the barista slut.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
