I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
