Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
