i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
