Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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