thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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