I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
