Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
