Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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