I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
