god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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