I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
