the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
