When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
