remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize