buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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