Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
As shirtless as possible
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
