Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
