Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
