yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
