worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
