he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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